Starry chef's taste of reality

THE first thing I intend to do when I'm appointed head of all television (and I'm sorry that's taking so long; we've had one or two administrative issues) is commission a new food show.

- BY MIKE WARD

Yes, really.And before you cry: "Oh, but Mike, we've already got billions of those. Can't you make some of them go away?", please bear in mind I said "food", not "cooking".

The food show I have in mind, the working title for which is Chop-Chop, will in fact contain no cooking whatsoever.

Chop-Chop will instead contain loads and loads of...well, chopping. Plus peeling, slicing, dicing, weighing out, etc.