Mending sibling bonds

A fortnightly column about emotional well-being Sibling dynamics are layered and complex and there is no right or easy way to manage the relationship

- Sonali Gupta

44-year-old male client told me that he and his elder sister had a "functional relationship". They both took care of their father, came together for festivals and birthdays, exchanged gifts, and showed up during a crisis.

At the same time, he wondered what would happen once their father was no more. "My feeling is that we may not meet or check in, it will take the form of a friendship that exists though one doesn't make the effort to meet or invest in it. There is a resentment and anger that my sister carries... I have tried to understand, but I don't know if we are capable of resolving it. It's the elephant in the room which our partners and children can see. I feel helpless," he added.

Sibling dynamics takes up a huge amount of space in therapy conversations. At the same time, the narratives and beliefs we carry about families, and family secrets make it hard for clients to acknowledge the ambivalent relationship they share with their sibling.