Finding my faith after all these years

One writer's journey through activism and grief led him back to the altar — on his own terms

- Donovan E Williams

My values and principles were initially cultivated by the Catholic Church.

Jesus' honesty in representing the poor and downtrodden resonated with me. His teachings allowed me to understand that, for my life to mean something, I had to place the needs of those less fortunate than me above my own.

Jesus' life and teachings gave me hope that mine could mean more than my station in society allowed.

As my civic and political activism increased, I found the church less committed to the ideals, values and principles it had entrenched in me. I couldn't find the liberation theology I had read about. Indeed, I found the church's response to the machinations of the apartheid regime lukewarm, to say the least.

As my rebelliousness grew, I found very little joy and inspiration in my Sunday churchgoing. Therefore, when I was a teenager and I was supposed to take my Confirmation of Faith vows, I consciously and deliberately decided against it. By that stage I wasn't a regular churchgoer. I honestly knew that I couldn't lie and confirm my faith. It stayed like that for nearly four decades.

But in and around 2021, things changed when I developed an overwhelming longing to remain connected to my father and began visiting my Dad's grave at the Stellawood Cemetery in Durban.