If only I were a normal person, life would be so much easier

From a young age I've been aware I've possess no common sense whatsoever, but this week I've taken it to depressing new heights.

- Steve Canavan

A work colleague had asked if I could give her a lift, so, the day before, aware that the inside of my car resembled a council rubbish dump (or any current street in Birmingham) and just by stepping into it one is at risk of picking up a serious viral infection, I decided to clean it out.

This was a lengthy process because my car is filthy. In my defence it is not me who is totally responsible but my two children, who seem incapable of eating any food without dropping at least two-thirds of it.

Indeed, when I removed the kids car seats from the back-and after recovering from the smell of mouldy, stale foodstuff which quite literally whacked me in the face-I discovered all sorts of stuff: chunks of rotten cheese, old fruit pastilles, lots of different kinds of breakfast cereal, crisps, and generally enough crumbs to keep a colony of rats alive for several years.

That coupled with the stains all over the seats made me realise I needed to get it professionally cleaned - it was too big a job for me.

Before I could do that, though, I had to clear the car of its contents, which was another not insubstantial task because I generally use my car as a mobile wardrobe.