Let Men Speak

Across Kashmir and much of the world, men are socialized into emotional silence. Their suffering, especially as victims of domestic abuse, remains invisible. It's time to widen the gender conversation to include their silent pain.

- Dr. Ashraf Zainabi

Sorrow in Kashmir often travels in silence. But not always the kind you'd expect.

While stories of women's silent suffering have rightly received attention, another kind of silence, one that cloaks men's pain, remains overlooked.

Behind stoic faces and restrained words are men carrying emotional burdens they've been taught never to name. These are not just personal struggles, they are public health concerns, social realities, and cultural blind spots.

From early childhood, Kashmiri boys grow up hearing the phrase: "Kar xhop-pe, Waddan cheukh korre hind paet-th"—don't cry like a girl.

This casual dismissal of emotion stays with them, shaping their sense of manhood and gradually teaching them that vulnerability is something to be ashamed of.

Emotional expression becomes unfamiliar, even dangerous. And while girls may find support networks within their families or friendships, boys often drift into emotional isolation.

This is not unique to Kashmir. Across the globe, boys are socialized to equate silence with strength. Whether it's “man up” in the U.S., “men don’t cry” in Latin America, or “be tough” in urban Africa, these phrases may vary by region, but their impact is remarkably similar.

They create generations of men who don’t just avoid expressing pain, they often don’t know how to.

The consequences of this emotional muting are devastating. According to the World Health Organization, men account for nearly 75% of global suicide deaths. In India, NCRB data for 2022 revealed that nearly 1,20,000 men died by suicide, more than twice the number of women.

The leading causes included family issues and illness, pressures that are often suffered in silence, especially among men who lack emotional support systems.