Death of pal has hit hard

MY friend died in 2024. She was very ill for a long time, and many considered her death a relief.

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This Christmas is going to be very hard because I still can’t get over her death. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t move on. I keep having irrational thoughts - what if I'd done more to help her. What if I’d been nicer to her when we were younger. I want to put everything behind me,