Let go of these three 'musts'

BELIEFS LIKE 'I MUST BE LIKED', 'EVERYONE MUST TREAT ME FAIRLY', AND 'LIFE MUST BE EASY' OFTEN LEADS TO UNHAPPINESS

- Sonali Gupta

48-year-old male client in therapy tells me, "There is a pattern to what really hurts me and what I struggle most with. I have always believed that if I'm fair to others, others will in turn be fair to me. While this has turned out to be true most of the time, I'm wondering if there is a problem with the way I'm thinking about it and in turn bringing myself more misery and unhappiness."

Another 35-year-old client tells me, "I have been thinking a lot about how some beliefs have unintentionally or intentionally been controlling my life. While I know it sounds stupid, I still believe that everybody should like me. I'm calm, generally sociable and nice to people so I believe that liking me shouldn't be tough."