Count Budgetface

THE CORRUGATED IRON CHANCELLOR SPEAKS..

- by COUNT BINFACE

SO it’s Budget time again. Being an intergalactic space warrior, I’ve seen a fair few black holes in my time. But the one at the heart of Britain’s public finances takes the biscuit.

Of course the mess isn’t all Labour's fault. It’s only three years since Liz Truss ripped the Treasury a new one, to the tune of 30billion quid. Keir Starmer and Rachel Reeves have binned all that Tory incompetence and replaced it with all-new idiocy of their own.

But fear not. Because I know what to do. Having a bin for a face, you might think vision isn’t my strong point. But unlike all the so-called mainstream parties, or Nigel Farage, I have the answers. Exclusively for The Daily Star, I am proud to present my ingenious 11-point plan for 11 Downing Street to get the economy working.