BE PREPARED FOR WHEN I TAKE OVER

THE first thing I intend to do when I'm appointed head of all television (and I'm sorry that's taking so long; we've had one or two administrative issues) is commission a new food show. Yes, really. And before you cry:

- by MIKE WARD TV critic

"Oh, but Mike, we've already got billions of those. Can't you make some of them go away?", please bear in mind I said "food", not "cooking".

The food show I have in mind, the working title for which is Chop-Chop, will in fact contain no cooking whatsoever. Chop-Chop will instead contain loads and loads of...well, chopping. Plus peeling, slicing, dicing, weighing out, etc. In other words, all the laborious prep. Equally important, it will show this being done in real time. None of that sneaky editing, to make those stages of a recipe look a breeze.