There's a rat in me kitchen, what am I gonna do?

A giant rat has been found... and no, he wasn't sporting an orange face, golf club, and overly long red tie.

- with Richard Ord

This particular specimen was hauled out of a Middlesbrough house measuring a whisker under 22 inches. As a man who harks back to 70s nostalgia, I found it oddly heartwarming. Like I've said before, a slow lingering death from global warming just doesn't rock my boat. Being brought up in the 70s and 80s, I'm programmed to expect my grisly fate to arrive courtesy of mutant crabs, vengeful killer whales, or haywire robots with Austrian accents.