Dr W.H. Atsapp MD, MRCP

Kaff! Kaff! Kaff!' I coughed. Then I tried my raspy cough. 'Khak! Khak! Khak!' It sounded good; but would it be good enough? So, I attempted a deeper cough. 'Khoff? Khoff!'

- K.C. VERMA

'Khoff!' Ah! Much better! It sounded so deep. A nurse came running. “Sir! Sir! Sir! Are you alright?”

“Yup! You could say I am fine now!” I said. “I thought while waiting to see the doctor, I would practise how to cough. Haven't you seen the WhatsApp post which advises that if you have a heart attack while you're alone, you should cough till help arrives?”

The nurse looked at me suspiciously. “Sir,” she said, “You are in the Amrit Maths Hospital. If you have a heart attack, help is right here. But please don’t cough like that. You sound so infectious!”

“Then why don’t you speed up my appointment with the doctor? I am so bored,” I said sullenly. That worked. I was ushered into the doctor's chamber immediately.

“So? What's your problem?”

“I’m not certain, doc. My symptoms are of sub-glottic stenosis, but it could be tracheomalacia.”

“Huh? Which fool said you have this condition?” laughed the doctor. I coldly informed him that it was the internet's diagnosis of the choking sensation I had been experiencing since morning.

The doctor asked me to loosen my tie, open the collar button and take a sip of water. Immediately, the relief was miraculous! “You might have given me temporary relief,” I declared. “But you haven't treated the underlying illnesses. I saw a Facebook post about a patient who was given only temporary relief, and he dropped dead while going home.”

“Rubbish! Never heard such claptrap!” said the opinionated physician.