To Rape A Wife

Survivors of marital rape face twin hurdles: a lack of legal framework to deal with these cases and the social stigma that comes with reporting them

- Apeksha Priyadarshini

CHRONOLOGY evades Survivor H when she tries to recollect the events that altered her existence. “Perhaps, the mind’s way of recovering is to diminish painful memories.” She describes her 13-year-long marriage to a man who abused her in ways where she felt like she “died every day”. Her ordeal exemplifies the experience of being trapped and helpless in abusive marriages, which so many women undergo in the Indian society.

H says that she sensed something was deeply amiss with the man’s family from the day she met them. But her mother insisted that if the marriage didn’t take place, her father “would not survive”. When they first came to see her in Hyderabad, the family of the man examined her physical attributes; gave her a gold chain and some money; clicked her pictures; and told H’s family that their daughter now belonged to them. If H’s family broke off the wedding, they would have to face badnaami (dishonour), the man’s family declared.

A Living Nightmare

On the wedding night, when H was hesitant to consummate the marriage, her husband told her that he had an advocate ready to arrange a divorce, to scare her into submission.“When he tried coming close to me, I categorically said ‘no’. But he did not pay heed.” H tried to escape from the bedroom that night, but couldn’t.

From then on, H’s husband subjected her to relentless humiliation and torture. On their honeymoon, he told her that he wanted to exchange partners with total strangers. Any questions she asked were met with repeated assaults on her genitals. “The scars are visible when you hit someone on other parts of the body. But when you’re hit in the genitalia, you’re too ashamed to show it to anyone,” he told her during the assaults.