Disabled Mindsets

It is not uncommon for persons with disabilities to be haunted by questions of love due to the attitude of others

- Abhishek Anicca

BRAVE. A person I met online called me “brave” during our first interaction on a dating app. This was preceded by, “What’s really wrong with you?” And followed by, “I am sorry this doesn’t work for me”. While I can make sense of the first and the last, the middle always puzzles me. What makes me brave? Brave enough to not bury myself under the stigma of disability. Brave enough to put myself out there, on a dating site, knowing fully well that I would likely be hurt. Brave enough to be sexual. Brave enough to be a man without any sort of comfort that patriarchy provides. Brave enough to just exist. I still don’t have an answer.

It is not uncommon for persons with disabilities like me to be haunted by questions of love. While our external lives are occupied by questions of accessibility, jobs and care, the core internal question remains about the social alienation that comes from our inability to find love. Some of us do find love. In the disabled and the able-bodied world. Online and offline. Others try to find love in different spaces. In the idea of arranged marriage, where society facilitates the matching of disabilities, class, caste and religion. Then there are others who just want to be alone and don’t even have access to these and look to find love in community weddings conducted by non-profits all across the country.