Whiskers at the ready

Even by the maddening contrarian standards cats have set themselves since their domestication, Scotland has a peculiarly perverse cat problem. Not only are too many domestic Scottish cats behaving like cats - as in, killing endangered wildlife - but some wild cats have been found to be completely incompetent at cat-ness - as in, being incapable of killing anything, even when their lives depend on it.

- Jane Clifton

Scotland is also contemplating the return of native beavers, only to find that the ungrateful chompers can behave in an infuriatingly cat-like manner, unilaterally relocating themselves from their designated homes to live wherever they (damn well) please. At the height of this inter-species perversity, First Minister John Swinney was forced to deny that Scotland was considering banning cats. This followed a wildlife agency's report urging "cat containment" which caused such outrage that Prime Minister Keir Starmer had to issue a denial.