All Talk

How to quiet your inner critics

- Christina Palassio

IN 2017, A FEW MONTHS after Meredith Davis of Guelph had her third child, her husband went back to work and she found herself alone at home, trying to manage three kids under the age of four. She was 35, and the stress of balancing her older children's needs and caring for her new baby was taking its toll. "I felt like my life imploded," she says. "All I could hear was this loud, glaring voice saying You're not a good mom. You're not cut out for this."

The more stressed she became, the louder her inner critic got, leaving her exhausted and struggling to feel present with her family. She soon contracted pneumonia and shingles-and realized she needed to do something to manage her negative self-talk.

Our interior monologue is influenced by the people in our lives (our parents and caregivers when we're young, our peers, partners and bosses when we're older) and the cultural messages and beliefs that surround us. And it's active! Experts estimate we can talk to ourselves as much as 4,000 words a minute.

Our inner voice can be very helpful, reminding us where we put our keys or to be careful when we're walking on an icy sidewalk. But challenges and stress in our relationships, jobs, financial affairs and the world around us can turn up the volume on our inner critic. This can lead to negative self-talk and, sometimes, self-sabotage-say, convincing ourselves we'll never get that job or that we don't deserve a partner's love. Luckily, there are practical actions you can take to shush your self-critical chatter.

Name Your Triggers