How many of us are making choices based on what we actually want?

Presenter and author Anita Rani explains how she has dealt with the impact of societal pressures, people pleasing, and changing people's perspectives

- LAUREN TAYLOR

With a CV as impressive as hers, it's somewhat surprising that Anita Rani has spent decades fighting the pressure to settle down and have children.

Now a presenter and broadcaster for BBC's Countryfile, The One Show and BBC Radio Four's Women's Hour, she says part of the expectation is down to her Asian heritage - but she's sure that's not all. 'It's a woman thing, isn't it? The message that success equals marriage and children is pretty ingrained.

'We are equated to those two things. It's everywhere - it's all around us.'

Thankfully, Rani says, questions about whether or not she wants children herself have now stopped.

'How many of us are making choices based on what we actually want to do?" she asks, and how many of us are doing it because it's what's expected of us? Those are the things that I'm personally grappling with.'

Rani met her husband, tech company executive Bhupinder Rehal, at the age of 30, but has felt the pressure to settle down her whole life. 'It's just drip fed to you. As women, we all experience it. "Have you met anyone yet?" people ask. "We just don't want you to be lonely..." And it really ramped up from about age 25. And when you hit 30, it's like, bloody hell, what's going on?'

For Rani, however, her 40s have been 'very transitional' she says. '[I feel] very empowered, and comfortable - confident, definitely. I don't give a f*** as much. I think at some point, you wake up and realise it's time to make yourself happy, because women do look after everybody, whether that's because that's what society expects, or whether it's your parents or your husband or your children.