At 56, I Ran from Depression And Found My Stride

I thought I'd never move beyond the label of a divorcé. But fitness rewrote my story—transforming me into an avid marathon runner and helping me outrun depression, one step at a time

- By Rajen Shah

Running away from your problems might not always be the solution for some people. But consider me one of the exceptions. In my case, running was the solution.

THE ATHLETE WHO LOST HIS WAY

I've always thought of myself as a sportsman. With dreams of enrolling in the army, I was a part of the school cricket team, the Volleyball State team in engineering college, and my personal favourite, the National Cadet Corps (NCC). But as adulthood came around and family and financial pressures began mounting, playing volleyball on Sundays with my friends was all that I could manage to keep going.

By 22, I was married, and four years later, I was a father. I was determined to give my daughter a much better life than I had. And with that goal in mind, I hustled-maybe a bit too hard. I was traveling 20 days a month, and even when I was in the city, I was at the office till 9 pm, followed by long work calls at home. Yes, I was achieving new heights in my career every day, but my late 30s and early 40s were the most miserable years of my life. My 20-something-yearold marriage was crumbling in the most horrific way, and no amount of therapy or second chances was changing it. And that's when the panic attacks started.

THE BREAKING POINT

It felt like a heart attack. The pulsations were so intense that I thought I wouldn't survive it. My pulse was normal, but I couldn't breathe. Other than a little sweat, there were no symptoms that could explain everything that felt very real in my head. Losing my partner-who was supposed to hold the fort when I was away-made me deeply anxious about my young daughter and aging parents. But things only got worse from there.