Waning and waxing

The terror of inherited trauma always made SHYAMA LAXMAN keep her mother at arm's length. Now, with both of them older and wiser, there's a new dynamic to their relationship

-  SHYAMA LAXMAN

IF YOU TYPE 'I don't want to turn into...' on Google, 'my mother' appears among the top three search terms. I was a teenager when I first told Amma that I would cease all association with her if she ever turned into Nani. I never had a close relationship with my grandparents. I was respectful when we met and forgot about them as soon as I boarded the train back to Delhi. When Nani succumbed to diabetes at the age of 74 last November, Amma had been her primary caregiver for a year.

It would be safe to say that Nani was an incredibly difficult patient. "Jab saamne hoti hun toh itna gussa aata hai. Bahut bura bhala keh deti hun. Later feel very guilty...and restless," Amma said to me over WhatsApp in October 2022.

"I totally understand. I'm sure I have done that with you."

"The thing is, we are not addressing the main issue," she typed back.