A gift in time

Why do we assign some personal milestones more value than others? Perennial bridesmaid DIVYA BALAKRISHNAN demands that we reassess the definition of a 'big day'

- DIVYA BALAKRISHNAN

One Sunday morning a few months ago, I was awoken by the persistent ding of WhatsApp notifications. Bleary-eyed but curious to nail the culprit who had dragged me back to the world of the living at 7am on my day off, I glanced at the screen, then almost launched my phone into the wall. I'd been added to yet another bridesmaids group chat.

I've spent the better part of my twenties as a bridesmaid, a willing sacrificial lamb at the altar of my friends' big days. Months in advance, I was conscripted into the chaotic trenches of choosing every outfit in their wedding trousseau, accompanying them to every dress fitting, curating complementary jewellery-basically becoming their personal stylist. I have been on the unofficial planning committee of more weddings than I can count, prepping and planning, discussing details and dress codes alongside deciphering the quirks of different family members to ensure everyone feels important. I didn't mind. This momentous, priceless occasion in their lives was their 'thing' and I felt honoured to be a part of it. It felt like the ultimate litmus test of a friendship-one that I was determined to pass with flying colours.

First came the engagement parties and gifts. Then bridesmaid's duties. Followed by bachelorette trips. Wedding outfits. More gifts. Then, like clockwork, we moved on to baby showers. Kids' birthdays. You get the drift.