A SUITABLE MATCH

Shraddha Kamdar observes how the idea of arranged marriage has evolved over the years, how social constructs have been challenged and changed, and, yet, some of the archaic ones remain

- Shraddha Kamdar

It was great meeting you, but don’t raise your hopes too much,” he said, when we parted after chatting over a coffee. “In the meanwhile, I will not let my parents know that you enjoy a drink occasionally.” This from a man well into his thirties, highly educated (at least the degrees said so) and who had lived and worked abroad for over a decade. Yet, when it came to choosing a life partner (perhaps “just a wife” to him), he had happily taken shelter behind the façade of “Indian traditions”.

When my family started looking for matches for me, there were a host of rules. The girl’s family always picked up the tab at the meeting. The girl’s family should always initiate the conversation, whether to set up the meeting or to find out whether the boy’s family wanted to take it ahead. The girl was asked to speak little and speak softly, and was always dressed in pleasing Indian wear in an attempt to give off the ‘gharelu’ vibe. The ideas and thoughts have been so ingrained with patriarchy that these norms were usually imposed more forcefully by the girl’s family than the boy’s.