PETE HEGSETH’S DAY

The previously unreported existence of a second Signal chat in which Mr. Hegseth shared highly sensitive military information is the latest in a series of developments that have put his management and judgment under scrutiny.

- TEDDY WAYNE

School drop-off

HEGSETH: Here you go, champ. Work hard, behave yourself, and first missiles launch at oh nine fifteen hours in Orange Zone 4.

CHILD: What did you say?

HEGSETH: All affected personnel are to be on heightened alert for the Hell-fire launch at oh nine fifteen hours.

CHILD: Ah. I thought you said oh nine fifty, which was yesterday's Harpoon launch, and you always say—

HEGSETH and CHILD: “Never repeat launch times on consecutive days, because it confuses Grandma in the family group text.”

Hegseth ruffles his child's hair.

Starbucks

HEGSETH: Venti blonde vanilla latte with two per cent, extra foam, and four syrup pumps.

BARISTA: Anything else?

HEGSETH (winces like he's restraining himself): No.

BARISTA: Name?

HEGSETH: Pete. (Pauses.) Hegseth. (Tilts head slightly for a reaction.)

BARISTA: Five minutes, Pete.

HEGSETH: It’s a common name, so, if there’s another Pete, I’m the one overseeing the F/A-18 Hornets conducting CAP and strike sorties over the Aegean Sea in T minus thirty minutes.

Barista writes down all information on coffee cup.

HEGSETH: That's Aegean with an “A-e.”

Therapy