GULF

This summer, on his Scottish golf course, the President played the golf of Scotland, but now that he's back on this continent he can play the golf of Mexico.

- BY IAN FRAZIER

That country has many five-star golf courses situated on the Gulf of Mexico. They are just a short helicopter hop across the Gulf of Mexico from golf courses owned by Gulf Oil on the Gulf shores of Texas and Florida, where Golf Oil has laid out golf courses among Gulf Oil's pipelines, drilling pads, oil spills, and wellhead flares. All of these are familiar sights along the Gulf of Mexico, home of many styles of seaside golf, from which Golf Oil (a subsidiary of Gulf Oil) takes its name.

The President's Florida home, called Mara-laGulf for short, is a hundred and forty miles from the Gulf of Mexico. Golf Oil has built a pipeline across the Miccosukee Indian Reservation that can pipe the President to its Gulf of Mexico golf courses in less than two hours with only a thirty-one-percent loss due to leakage, thus partly preserving seabirds, shorebirds, gopher tortoises, gophers, golfers, gofers, and the whole complex web of life that makes up the Gulf of Mexico.