ASK Mariella

Our agony aunt looks at the extent to which fluctuating hormones can play a part in midlife relationship problems

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My partner and I seem to be growing apart. How do I know if my feelings of irritability and rage towards him are down to the menopause, rather than that we're no longer compatible?

If I had a penny for every time I've been asked this question, and another for each time I've fudged the answer, I'd be substantially richer and sunning myself on a Caribbean island.

DON'T BE TOO HASTY TO DECIDE

Menopause is a time of change, and this can apply to both our mood and our relationships. It's a bit chicken-and-egg (with fewer eggs!), so it can be a challenge to make clear judgments. I've known friends to have ended relationships during this time and lived to regret the decision when balance returns.

One study I found said that 70% of menopausal women report irritability as their main mood symptom. Researchers are currently establishing a "new, female-specific irritability rating scale". Volcano to exploding supernova is the range I'd suggest!

WOMEN ARE BEHIND MOST DIVORCES