F.A.T. CAMP

Take one Goodwood Festival of Speed, shrink it down, add skis and thermal underwear... you've got a recipe for an unforgettable day

- OLLIE MARRIAGE

I watch as an ancient, bouncing, chuntering VW Beetle finally finds a way past the Hoonitron. It’d been closing in for a couple of laps, and not slowly. A lusty cheer goes up. The Hoonitron, Ken Block’s 4WD EV monster, continues to slither, whirr and wheelspin around, but it’s floundering in the deep, slushy snow. Should’ve borrowed the Corvette’s spiked tyres. They’re the evillest things I’ve seen in a long time. More studs and spikes than a punk reunion.

This is the F.A.T. Ice Race. There’s not really any racing going on. There would have been if the temperatures had stayed colder, but a few days of warmth means the only things that manage to complete a lap at first are the piste bashers. After that it’s pretty much a free-for-all, more automotive mud wrestling than actual competition classes. No one cares: the music’s pumping, the drink’s flowing, the cars are slithering and everyone’s having a great time. There’s a hot tub, bar and firepits. It’s après-ski with added cars.

And it’s not a huge event. You might think it is because we’ve come here to report on it, it’s plastered all over social media and there are big-name brands involved. But it’s not. It’s a cool, little event. Provided you’ve donned a set of waterproof boots to wade across the puddles, you can walk from one end to the other in the interlude between DJ sets. If there are 5,000 people here I’d be surprised.