How To Always Find A Silver Lining

When we come to terms with failure, we learn how to succeed at life, our experts tell Christabel Smith

- Christabel Smith

We all know how it feels when things go pearshaped because we’re human, not computer chips. From doomed relationships and disastrous interviews to slopping coffee over a freshly washed shirt, it’s easy for a sense of shame to take hold. Yet, in the words of Breakfast at Tiffany’s author Truman Capote, ‘Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.’ So channel your inner Holly Golightly, knowing there’s far more to be learned from mess-ups than clear rounds.

1 OWN YOUR TRUTH

There’s no glossing over the fact that love hurts and hearts ache when a love affair ends. As well as the relationship as you knew it, you’re losing your fantasy of ‘happy ever after’ and the illusion that perfect partnerships exist. But no long-standing couple should feel their years together were a failure, when there was kindness, support, camaraderie, and laughter along the way. When you emerge from grief, says divorcée Elizabeth Day, you begin to see new opportunities and feel freer to explore them.

% DO IT In the wake of a broken marriage, friends often take sides and offer up unhealthy statements such as ‘But you were the couple to beat’. Avoid these people. Only you know your own truth and it’s for no one else to judge.

2 CELEBRATE POSITIVES

If your children (of all ages) are feeling like failures, resist blaming your will sap your strength and help no one. The Child Mind Institute (childmind.org) helps parents teach their kids how to fail by empathizing with their frustrations, then talking through failure as being an inevitable part of life. Even primary school kids can begin to understand how perseverance and resilience can help you thrive.