Don't PANIC!

A weekend in the country with a grumpy husband and a wonky moustache – what could possibly go wrong?

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Permission to speak, Sir?’‘Oh, very well – what is it, Jones?’‘It’s your moustache, Captain Mainwaring – it’s all skew-whiff, Sir. I’d like to volunteer to straighten it, Sir.’

‘Thank you, Corporal Jones, but I am perfectly capable of straightening my own moustache.’

‘I thought, what with you being a lady, Sir, and not greatly experienced in the wiles and stratagems of gentlemen’s moustaches…’

Elaine Farthing sighs takes out a make-up mirror from her battledress and carefully adjusts the moustache in question. It is, after all, one of the touches – along with the little round glasses and the homemade uniform – that transform her into Captain George Mainwaring of the Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard.

‘Is that better, Corporal?’ ‘Very smart, Sir. Very smart,’ says Jones, played by Barry Chambers, who – as luck would have it – is also a rather excitable butcher. He could have been made for the part.

Every year for the past decade, Elaine’s husband, Gary, and a group of his friends have spent a weekend in East Anglia to celebrate Dad’s Army. They stay in a comfortable (and very understanding) hotel. They dress in character, they visit the Dad’s Army Museum and some of the programme locations, and enjoy long walks and pub visits.

The friends draw lots to see which character they will play, and this year Elaine drew Mainwaring, much to the annoyance of Gary, who usually manages to pick Mainwaring for himself (this might or might not be connected with the fact that he is an amateur magician). He is playing Private Pike, and hasn’t taken it well.