My friends ghosted me when I had CANCER

Diagnosed with breast cancer, Samantha Bell, 31, really needed her mates. But some of them were nowhere to be seen

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Sitting at my computer, I stared at the message I’d rewritten many times, trying to get the tone right. I didn’t want it to sound all doom and gloom, but I didn’t want it to seem too flippant, either. But then, I’d never imagined I’d have to email a group of my closest friends to tell them I had cancer, especially just weeks before my wedding. Pressing Send, I felt my heart race as I wondered who’d be the first to reply.

My friend Caroline’s email pinged in my inbox almost straight away. ‘You’ve got this,’ she’d written.

‘We’re all behind you,’ another mate, Hannah, messaged. But three friends, Rachel, Sophie and Nicola were noticeable in their silence. Days turned into weeks, and still nothing. These were girls I’d grown up with – we’d been through everything together. School days, dance lessons, drunken nights out, post-break-up girls’ holidays. Yet now they seem either didn’t care or didn’t know what to say. I felt confused, bewildered, heartbroken and fuming all at once.

Going back a long way

I’ve always prided myself on being someone who’s there for my friends. I met Rachel when we were seven, but our friendship was cemented at ballet and tap class as teens. As the years passed, we grew closer.

Rachel settled down young and had children, while I studied Law and Music at Keele University, but I’d still travel home to see her. I’d met Sophie through Rachel when I was 19. Nicola came into my life a decade ago, when we worked the same summer job and hit it off. Even when she moved to Leeds, we were always on the phone or messaging.