Living Large

The new Mercedes-Benz GLS is humongous and costs as much as a house. Who buys this kind of car and what do they use it for?

- Cyril Klopper

The GLS I’m driving idles on the rim of a rock quarry like a tank readied for battle, although its luxurious paintwork twinkling in the sun is certainly not something you’d find on a tank.

“You want me to do what?” I ask the off-road instructor when he points to a mud puddle. He tells me to go through it then drive up a steep incline, over a pile of rocks, and go around a thicket of thorn trees. I do so timidly. I don’t doubt the GLS’s off-road capabilities – it will manage just fine – I’m worried that I might ruin that gorgeous paintwork.

It’s a fair point. Who on earth would actually take the S-Class of SUVs off-road? I imagine an alternate reality where Hugh Hefner – owner of several Mercs over the years – sold Playboy magazine, patched things up with his first wife, loaded their kids and dogs into the back of a GLS and went on a grand adventure. I can see him wearing his captain’s hat, pipe dangling from his mouth, cackling maniacally through gritted teeth as he dirties this very expensive car with gusto.