CRUSADER KINKS PART II

Continuing the raunchy reign of King Randy Cockburn.

- Rick Lane

THE RULES

1. Ruler can only marry characters with the lustful trait (and if possible should have it themselves)

2. If romantic opportunities arise, they must be pursued.

3. Chaste characters must be expelled from court immediately.

Last time in King Randy of Scotland’s quest to roger his way to glory in Crusader Kings III, I left him preparing to, ah, insert himself into the marriage of Petty King Gudrød Haraldsen and his wife Princess Ragnhild. This isn’t solely because Ragnhild is far too comely to be lumbered with a mere Petty King, although it certainly sweetens the deal. Specifically, I want to break up Gudrød’s alliance with Ragnhild’s father, King Olav III of Norway, thereby softening up Scotland’s western isles for conquest.

Despite a 95% chance of success in Randy’s seduction scheme, however, Princess Ragnhild rejects his advances! What could she possibly not see in a middle-aged monarch whose hobbies include sleeping with the pox-ridden King of Sweden?

King Randy hasn’t been rejected before. He takes it well, immediately setting up a new plot to murder Princess Ragnhild. But then I notice Norway is currently embroiled in two different wars, which means Olav probably won’t have many reinforcements to help a Petty King cling on to Scotland’s right ass-cheek. I take the gamble, and declare war on Gudrød. Norway joins the war immediately, but its army never shows up, and I sweep aside Gudrød’s meagre forces with ease. Sometimes it’s best to get straight down to business.