Inside Job

They often go unnoticed, existing simply to get you from A to B, but coach drivers are privy to all sorts of behind-the-scenes information.

- David Bailey

In this business they are the crème de la crème, sitting haughtily behind the wheel. Rarely, if ever, acknowledging the presence on the highway of a fellow coach driver. But there is no bitterness from us – only admiration. It takes years of sacrifice to reach the pinnacle: the early starts and late finishes, the irreversible damage to family life, the forelock tugging. Then one day, after decades of loyal service, they were rewarded by being made the coach driver of a professional football team.

Right across the leagues these elite wheelmen hold themselves apart. Wherever they turn up, be it Crewe or Ipswich, what they are saying is they are best driver in their home town. Even if the football team I am carrying is crap, I am number one, so kindly get out of my way.

Last year, on my first day as a coach driver in the provincial English town I’d just moved to, I was thrilled to see the local football team’s coach parked in the yard. But any hope that I’d be driving “the lads” (and possibly some I’d even heard of) was dashed with the kindly smile that I have since learned is reserved for overeager newbies.

But that did not mean that I wasn’t to be entrusted with driving the coach at other times. This local team are rooted firmly in the lower divisions and therefore cannot afford to own a coach. Instead they rent one for away matches. On weekdays and out of season the vehicle earns its keep ferrying schoolchildren and during the school holidays is used for day trips open to everyone but mostly undertaken by pensioners.