Surrender to the Bliss

Like many women, Karla Newbey’s sex life has never been truly fulfilling. But why? In search of answers, she embarks on a journey into tantra, and self-discovery

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Blindfolded, I sit on cushions with my back against the wall in a room full of strangers. I wait while the other participants are led in and seated. My eyes had been covered before I entered, so I am completely disorientated; I’ve no idea of the proportions of the room, nor of my proximity to others.

A gong sounds and I feel it vibrating through my body. Music follows, then a thunderstorm, and the sound of delicious rain. As the evening progresses, I’m treated to a symphony of the senses: there is scent; fruit is placed in my mouth; a feather is brushed over my bare arms. My thoughts fall silent as I become totally absorbed in anticipating the next sensation.

An hour earlier, I’d planned to run away. This is my first workshop with the Shakti School of Sexuality and Tantra, and, when I arrived, my fear was overwhelming. Most of us have heard the phrase ‘tantric sex’, but few of us know what it really means. Would I be asked to take off my clothes? Would people have sex? Would strangers touch me? Would I feel obliged to do something that I’d later regret? As it is, after the first evening of ‘awakening my senses’, I am still fully clothed and no one has invaded my space.

Feel the fear, and do it anyway

So, why try something that frightens me so much? My recent divorce has led me to reassess my love life. My introduction to sex wasn’t positive and, since then, I have lurched between prudishness and pleasing others, according to my perceived societal expectations, never delving too deeply into what I crave: a slower, more sensual experience. I am keen to explore my sexuality in a new way. But, how am I going to guarantee I won’t repeat previous mistakes?