Out Of The Shadows

For years, this pastor would not reveal his opioid addiction for fear that people would turn away. Now more than ever, he sees why he must share his story

- David Beddoe

I SAT IN MY OFFICE AT A CHRISTIAN camp west of Seattle. Outside, rain dripped from fir trees. The day was dark and gloomy. Through the window, I could see the fields and woods where I’d worked and lived with my wife, Deb, and four kids for the past three years. I was the camp director, leading a year-round program of camps and retreats for church groups. It was a dream job for me and my family. What could be better for kids than growing up in the woods surrounded by good people?

I was about to lose it all.

In a few minutes, two executives from the camp’s parent company would be sitting on the other side of my desk. They’d requested a meeting earlier that day. They didn’t give a reason, but I knew. I’d been using the camp’s credit card to buy prescription pain pills online. Thousands of pills. Pills to feed my 30-a-day habit. The habit I’d been battling—and hiding—for more than a decade. The habit that had drained my bank account and nearly ruined my marriage.

Up to now, I’d managed to hide my addiction from all but a few people. I prayed I was wrong, that the executives wanted to meet for some other reason. In my gut, I knew I was caught.

The executives arrived and calmly took out a notebook filled with credit card records. They read off pill purchase after pill purchase. There was nothing I could say. They told me that what I had done amounted to a crime. I would have to resign immediately and move out of the camp in two weeks.