Never Forsaken

In the first installment of our new series, longtime contributor Roberta Messner explains how pain and illness can isolate and how she overcame that loneliness

- Roberta Messner

IN MY 45 YEARS AS A REGISTERED nurse, I’ve seen how chronic illness and pain can isolate people, taking over their lives until it seems as if there’s no room for friends or family, even God. I know firsthand how dealing with physical and emotional pain can be one of the loneliest experiences you can ever have. It can even have physical and mental health consequences. Loneliness can make a person more at risk for cardiovascular disease, stroke, Type 2 diabetes, depression and a host of other ailments.

It’s a big problem. A study from 2018 found that half of Americans say they feel lonely. But there are things you can do to help you make deeper connections and overcome loneliness.

Reach out to strangers

I was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis at the age of 13. My mother and I traveled regularly from our home in West Virginia to the Cleveland Clinic, where I underwent surgery to remove the painful tumors on the inside and outside of my face. I missed a lot of school and was ostracized by the other kids when I did go.

Mom had been a teacher, and she gave me what seemed like a curious assignment. In every waiting room at the clinic, I was to interview a person, then ask what their nurses did that was most helpful. Mom knew my time in hospitals had sparked an interest in one day becoming a nurse.

Over the years, I gained far more than a collection of stories. On every visit, there were patients I recognized, who made a point of talking to me. “How did your test turn out, Roberta?” “Are you still having that dizziness?” “How are things in school?” “You’re going to make a great nurse.” These were people who cared about me, not just as a fellow patient but as a person. It got so I looked forward to going to the Cleveland Clinic and reconnecting with them.