Department of Wit - Paging Dr Malaprop!

MY WORK AS A medical transcriptionist (MT) brings me in intimate contact with voice recognition (VR) software.

- M. K. Wolfe

We MTs listen to a doctor’s dictation while reviewing the VR’s first pass at the typewritten medical record and edit as we go.

Now, I know voice recognition is technically just a series of digital ones and zeros in a particular order, but I have come to believe that the software has the soul of an idiot savant—a ghost in the machine, if you will. VR software can decipher the thickest of accents talking at lightning speed using dense medical terminology and get it right. But VR software is also comically stupid, as these real examples demonstrate.

Take names. Does McRoberts really sound like Crab Birds? Is it the savant or the idiot who listens to ordinary names and hears Mr Breakfast, Ms Pulseless, Dr Mean Itch, Ms The Kittens, Dr Ominous and Mr Loop Brains?

In one single physical, a Mr Morton was identified variously as Mr Morton (good job, VR!), Mr Martin, Mr Marvin, Mr More, Mr Morgan,