'No' Is The New 'Yes': Learning To Be Firm On One's Decision

Perhaps no other word is associated with negativity as much as the word "No". It cancellation etc., all having strong negative connotations.

- Smt. Sujatha Rao

Until recently, I too viewed the word 'No' with a little disparagement and would feel guilty for having to turn down some invitations, or requests for certain favours from friends and family. After saying 'No', I usually ended up feeling bad and was likely to spend the next few hours brooding, fuming and fretting over my decision, wondering whether I had hurt the others' feelings, until I stumbled across the concept of the N 'Positive No'.

The theory of the 'Positive No' per Harvard Professor William Ury is, "every 'No' is a 'Yes' someplace else."

I have experienced the power of the 'Positive No' myself, by investing my time thus saved in becoming a better writer. Since writing needs tons of undisturbed solitude, I have been coerced to saying 'No' to a lot of things, in order to say 'Yes' to my passion.

I am sure this has made me look like a weirdo in many an acquaintance's mind, since according to them, as a person living by myself, I should be jumping at every opportunity that comes my way to socialize with people. But hardly do these people realize that my 'No' is coming from a space of what is more important to me on my totem pole of personal priorities.

The following are some of the common approaches to making a decision towards a 'Yes' or a 'No':

Accommodate - saying 'Yes' out of our sense of obligation, when we actually want to say 'No'. This approach will ultimately make us feel frustrated, as our core interests in life remain unfulfilled.

Attack - Saying 'No' in an aggressive and unpalatable way - this often leads to destruction of relationships.