Mud, Sweat & Tears

At Evryman men’s retreats, attendees spend five nights in the American wilds, sharing their deepest desires and darkest thoughts. The goal is to help men relearn how to access and express their emotions. Sceptical? So were we… at first

- Nate Green

Well, this is uncomfortable. My palms are sweating, my heart is pounding.

Why did I think this was a good idea? I could be at home right now with my girlfriend and my dog, having a beer and watching Netflix. But no. Instead, I’m staring directly into the eyes of a small man with a big, red beard. Andrew – he said his name was Andrew.

I shift my posture. Andrew shifts his, too. Finally, he takes a deep breath and speaks: “If you really knew me, you’d know that I smoke too much weed and use it as a coping mechanism.” He lowers his gaze, embarrassed. When he looks up again, we lock eyes. Now, it’s my turn.

“If you really knew me,” I tell him, “you’d know that I sometimes drink too much alcohol, and it worries me.” My words surprise me. I have never uttered them out loud before. I instantly feel lighter. Andrew smiles, relieved not to be alone in his confession. “Thanks,” he says.

We’re standing in a clearing in Big Sky, Montana. It’s nearing sunset and the clouds are turning purple. From where we are, you can turn 360 degrees and see for miles in every direction. The tall grass gives way to dense pine trees, which in turn yield to snow-capped mountains.

We’re accompanied by 16 other men, paired off just as Andrew and I are. Behind us is a log cabin that will be our home for the next two nights. After that, we’ll trek into the backcountry of Yellowstone National Park, where we’ll walk and sleep among the bears, mosquitoes and stars. We all met for the first time an hour ago.