How to be assertive

Being more confident and assertive, at work and in life, can benefit you personally and professionally.

- SHANNON MANUEL

Communicating assertively isn’t easy for most of us, at least not all the time and in every situation. Assertiveness is the skill of effective communication and negotiation. Being assertive means being able to stand up for what you believe is right, ask for what you want, and say no to what you don’t want, in a way that’s confident, calm and respectful.

Being assertive

A man who asserts himself in the workplace may be considered confident, worthy or powerful, but people tend to think a woman who does it as dominant or aggressive. That leaves us with two choices: to either speak up, expressing what we really want but risking rejection and the byproduct of guilt, or to communicate passively. We may start to communicate aggressively to make ourselves feel powerful and alleviate our deeper insecurities or passive-aggressively, allowing us to express our anger or hurt without having to take responsibility for it.

How to do it

Assertive people are firm without being aggressive or rude. They defend their ideas, but they’re open to compliments and constructive criticism. Assertiveness is a skill you must build and develop over time. Becoming more assertive takes sustained effort and commitment. So, start small. Work on asserting yourself in situations where the stakes are lower. As you improve and it becomes more natural, slowly work up to situations where the stakes are higher. Here are some ideas: