True Self

Body positive icon and musician beth ditto talks about her unlikely relationship with exercise and how she never let the gym intimidate her

- Billie Bhatia

I didn’t entertain the idea of sport as a child: not because I hated sport, but because I hated the heat. I’m an indoor person; always have been. You want to know why? Because that’s where the air conditioning is—indoors. I hate the heat more than I hate tornados, and I’m deathly afraid of those—growing up in Tornado Alley in Arkansas, USA, was less than ideal. If there was ever a hint of dark cloud in a blue sky, I would freak out and refuse to leave the house. But the heat—that’s another level of hate.

My first and only series of exercise classes took place when I was four years old. In the ’80s, my mum and aunt Janey used to go to the local leisure centre for aerobics classes, and I would tag along in my burgundy and pink hand-me-down leotard. I would go for it, harder than anyone else in the class. I would try to follow what the adults were doing, but I had ADD (attention deficit disorder) and I was four, so I actually had no idea what was going on—I would just dance like crazy in front of the mirror. I didn’t like being given instructions on how to do things; I still don’t. I like to do things my own way.

The culture around sports at school was jock-like, aggressive and sexist. My family did not have the money to indulge in team sports, but even if we had, I was told I wouldn’t be good at it—not by anyone in particular, but by the culture: fat kids aren’t meant to be good at sport, right?