Poison Paradise

Suck out the venom from a toxic relationship.

- Chandra Pepino

Picture the Garden of Eden, the seat of human existence and the foundation of Earth as we know it. Adam—naked, naïve Adam—is telepathically conversing with a dinosaur when Eve comes sauntering toward him, a juicy, red apple in hand. She convinces him to take a bite, but he refuses at first, saying it’s against God’s orders. Eve begins to throw a full-on adult tantrum. “If you really loved me, you’d do anything for me!” she cries. Beleaguered, Adam takes a bite of the apple. After God admonishes them and determines their punishment, Adam lays hands on her until her eyes turn purple. When Eve tries to run away, Adam locks her arm in a grip: “Get back here. I’m not finished with you.” That evening, they still sleep next to each other. The cycle continues, day after day after day.

Toxic relationships are initially difficult to identify, particularly because any kind of physical, mental, or emotional abuse is hidden under the guise of a supposedly “loving” relationship. The first step, according to Mark Banschick, M.D., author of The Intelligent Divorce, is to step outside of your relationship and make an honest assessment. “Notice whether you are feeling happy and loved, or criticized and controlled. A healthy relationship is filled with openness, mutual support, respect, positive regard, and exploration. A toxic relationship is stifled, critical, and filled with mockery.” Do you feel a sense of dread when on your way to meet your partner? Are there things you actively hide for fear of judgment? Do you find it difficult to feel safe and comfortable around him? Pulling the wool from your eyes may prove to be an initially Herculean task, but overcoming denial is the first step to getting out.