Bad Sex Happens. But It Doesn't Have to Happen Again

- Julie Vadnal

...HERE, WE’RE FOCUSING on the former: intimacy between two willing partners that falls short of satisfying. Because while all great sex must be consensual—and include communication, passion, and pleasure for both parties—not all consensual sex is great. Some is pretty damn awful, whether it’s with a one-night stand or a long-term lover.

It is possible to fix blah sessions though, says Jill McDevitt, PhD, a sexologist and sexual wellness coach. There is never a need just to suffer through it, she explains: “Always know that you can stop and check in at any time during sex.”

Can that feel awks? Sure, at first. But it’s well worth it to have better sex. Follow this guide for how to handle a lame lust life. We have several solutions for whatever’s amiss.

WHEN…THERE’S AN UNWANTED TWIST

On our fifth date, Anand and I started talking about how we lost our virginities. I went first (first year of college, nice guy, totally basic), and he told me he’d only had sex with one person, one time, about a year earlier. After a solid make-out session, heavy petting led to nakedness in his bedroom. He pinballed his way around my body, then finally penetrated the correct orifice. A few minutes of bunny humping later, he politely asked, ‘Would you like me to put it in your butt?’ as if he were asking, ‘May I get the door for you?’ He saw my surprise and said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I thought women liked getting it from behind.’” —Shreya S., 31

TAKE CHARGE

If he goes for something unexpected and not your style but you want to keep the momentum going, say: ‘We can talk about that later, but what if we do this instead?’ Then guide him to your favourite move.

HALT THE ACTION