Life In These United States

My great-aunt looked confused when I told her that my daughter was 18 months old. “Oh,” she said. “I thought she was a year and a half.”

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“But Aunt Marie," I said, “18 months and a year and a half are the same.”

She shrugged. “What do I know? I never had kids.” —Joel Brill Northridge, California

Sorry, I wasn’t listening when you were talking about your dog. I was busy looking in my phone for a picture of my superior dog. @primawesome

Our doctor’s office called to let my husband know that the results from his blood tests came back and he was just fine. That didn’t suit my husband.

“What’s my cholesterol level?” he asked.

“Mr. Crocker, you are just fine,” insisted the nurse.

“Still, I’d like you to mail me the results.”