An Ernest Attempt

Why Hemingway would never be BuzzFeed’s employee of the month.

- Ralph Jones 

NAME: Ernest Hemingway

POSITION: Staff writer

WHAT HAS BEEN GOING WELL THIS YEAR?

EMPLOYEE: The days are long and the work is shallow and the only piece of mine that went “viral” was “27 Kick-Butt Things You Learn When You Catch a Marlin.”

MANAGER’S COMMENTS: Though “27 Kick-Butt Things You Learn When You Catch a Marlin” was an unexpected triumph, Ernest isn’t meeting the standard achieved by the other BuzzFeed writers. His “18 Things You Only Know If You’re Ernest Hemingway” is our lowest performing piece of content since we launched nine years ago; 202 people have read it, and I know that three of these were Ernest on different devices. And “14 Hats I Wore While Writing