Fern The Mighty

PARROT:

WELCOME, OH WELCOME, ye land-lubbers all, To our fabulous pirate ship, The Terrible! I’m PARROT, your tour guide and expert narrator— if you like the show, I’m accepting tips later.

- Liz Siedt

(Enter the crew, including the COOK and CAPTAIN BRASH. The COOK is stirring a bowl. The others go to work swabbing the deck, steering the ship, and other things.)

PARROT:

Now, this crew, they seem surly and burly and rough. But they’re really nice, too! I promise—no bluff. Yes, ol’ CAPTAIN BRASH cares for each of his crew. And not long ago, he hired somebody new.

(Enter FERN, carrying a big book in one hand, and a mop in the other.)

PARROT:

Friends, meet FERN! She’s the new cabin girl, so smart she could probably turn peas into pearls! Her inventions could make this old ship run much better.

I’d list some of them, but why don’t we let her? First, there’s—

FERN  (showing a page of her book):

A pump for if we start to sink!

PARROT:

And—

FERN (flipping to a different page):

A sea salt–filtering straw for a refreshing cool drink!

PARROT:

But the crew doesn’t know there’s a genius on board because FERN is so shy—she rarely says a word.

COOK (tasting his food):

H’m, these pancakes are not quite my best.

FERN (quietly, to herself):

To brighten them up, you could use lemon zest . . .

PARROT:

Hey FERN! Speak up! You’ve got great intellect!

FERN:

But what if my ideas are all incorrect? T

hey’ll laugh me right off of this ship, back to shore.

No, I’ll keep to myself. I like that much more.

PARROT (sighs):

But that would soon change, when from deep down below

A great giant OCEAN STORM started to blow!