The ‘likeability paradox'

Why is it so difficult for female leaders to be both liked and respected?

- PATRICIA SEABRIGHT

If I ask you to think of words you associate with leadership and management characteristics, what would you say? Strong, powerful, decisive, determined, assertive, aggressive, forceful, competitive, visionary, inspiring, winner, brave.

What about words for male characteristics? Perhaps words like strong, decisive, determined, assertive, aggressive, competitive, winner, brave, bold. The paradigms of a historically male dominated world will of course have ingrained concepts of leadership that are to do with power, risk taking, and strength. The huge correlation between traditionally male traits and leadership traits is therefore to be expected.

Finally, what words do you think of for female characteristics? Words like, gentle, nurturing, caring, collaborative, kind, accommodating, empathic, and supportive?

The issue

So, here is the reason why it is hard for a woman in management and leadership roles to be both liked and respected. If you are displaying what society thinks of as typical leadership traits, you may be ticking the boxes of what we want from a leader but you are also contravening all the societal norms of what we want, expect, and perhaps demand from a woman.

New Zealand’s female Prime Minister, Jacinda Arderns, summarised this well when she said, “One of the criticisms I’ve faced over the years is that I’m not aggressive enough or assertive enough, or maybe somehow, because I’m empathetic, I’m weak.”

Societal norms and paradigms