It is hard to pinpoint exactly when my phobia began, but for the last decade, it has become all-encompassing. My fear of sick means I have lost friends, I have struggled to be in the same room as my own children and now, I have even asked my husband of six years to leave me.
In August 2009, when I was 23, my beloved grandma Sheila, then 83, passed away. I was completely distraught and I struggled to deal with it. Then, around the same time, I missed out on a promotion in my admin job.
The combined stress of work and grieving had an unusual impact on me. I know it sounds strange, but suddenly, out of nowhere, I started panicking about being sick.
My mum, Sandra, then 49, had a nasty bout of food poisoning and when I heard her retching, I felt desperate to get out of the house.
Sudden fear
I was terrified. Rather than help her, I left, my whole body shaking with fear. And when I went to a music festival soon after, I ran away from a friend who was sick after too many drinks. I knew deep down it was irrational, but I couldn’t shake the terror.
At first, I tried to hide my phobia from friends and family, but it soon became really obvious. I avoided alcohol and certain foods, such as meat and takeaways, in case they gave me food poisoning or made me feel sick. I stopped going out with friends and gave up on dating altogether. My fear was making me a recluse.
In September 2010, I was driving to work towards a dual carriageway when I felt a wave of nausea.
I carelessly reversed back up a busy slip road, risking my life and others, and drove straight back home.
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