Do you have smiling sadness?

Experts share easy ways to soothe the secret holiday depression we often hide - and make way for true joy

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As you rush to finish up your holiday to-do’s, you’re the picture of unflappability. But the image you’re working so hard to project is just a mirage that you think you need to maintain to hide your inner sadness. Rather than admit to yourself how you feel, you tell yourself, “It’s better to just grin and bear it.” Though this seems admirable, suppressing your emotions makes you feel worse, ratcheting up stress and stealing the cheer that should be yours this season.

“‘Smiling depression’ or ‘smiling sadness’ means appearing happy while keeping your inner turmoil hidden,” says Diane Barth, LCSW, author of I Know How You Feel. The problem with being so functional on the outside is that you likely don’t even realize you’re depressed. “Women who have the external markers of success, from a great family to a nice place to live, feel like they should be happy, especially during the holidays, but they don’t—and this brings up guilt.”

It’s exhausting to keep up the facade that you’re fine, says Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, who works with women facing transitions in life. “But we often do it out of fear of being judged.” She explains that the pressure of having the perfect Thanksgiving only exacerbates smiling sadness. The first step to feeling better is to admit to yourself that you’re struggling.

Just read on for simple ways to outsmart four common hallmarks of smiling depression so you can reap genuine happiness and peace of mind this holiday and beyond.

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