REINVENTING MYSELF

AT 59, I COULD SEE MYSELF DOING A LITTLE LESS AND FEELING A LITTLE LESS RELEVANT EVERY YEAR. IT UNSETTLED ME SO MUCH THAT I DREAMT UP A NEW CAREER, PACKED MY BAGS AND SET OFF ON A HUGE ADVENTURE.

- LESLEY STONES

Three months into the Covid-19 lockdown, I realised I had nothing to get out of bed for. No work, nothing to do, nowhere to go. I could dust, perhaps, or do some gardening. But I could feel a tension and a fear telling me this was it: game over.

Work is often erratic if you're a freelance journalist, and as a woman in my late 50s I'd often wondered how long it could last. Now, as countless publications closed or slashed their budgets, I realised the slow slide into doing a little less each year until I atrophied completely had begun. It was devastating. I felt useless and irrelevant, particularly as an older white voice in a young black country. Surely I had more to offer the world than that, and the world had more to offer me?

So one day I hatched a plan. I remember it clearly: I was sitting at my desk, thinking maybe I should just bum around the world. But I wanted to earn a living and feel useful... Maybe I could work for Club Med and write about all their resorts, I thought. But they'd probably want some young extrovert who knows what TikTok is; I'd have to be the voice of something like 'Package Holidays for Pensioners'.

Maybe I could bugger off to Borneo and volunteer at an orangutan sanctuary. (This was an actual plan that had been booked and then postponed by Covid, but it's hardly a long-term strategy, as I'm allergic to animals.)

Then I remembered visiting Santiago years ago, and thinking I'd like to live there for a while. I'd even seen an advert in a shop window for English teachers, and I'd joked about applying.

My anxiety began to clear as I pictured myself teaching English to businessmen in Santiago. I'd be enjoying a new culture, forcing my Spanish up to a decent level, and gaining a skill that would last as long as I did.