How to take the MONOTONY OUT OF MONOGAMY

It's easy to get complacent in a long-term relationship. Before you know it, your partner is little more than your roommate. Here's how to shake things up.

- CHARIS TORRANCE

You know what they say: Falling in love is the easy part. It's staying in love that is hard. The first spark that we experience Y so intensely at the start fades pretty quickly when you're peeing with the door open and arguing about which series to watch. In fact, research shows that monotony can creep into a relationship as early as the very first year together.

The good news? That spark isn't dead - it's just dimmed. And all it needs is a little TLC to get it glowing red hot once again.

We chatted to Shelley Lewin, relationship development specialist and author of Uncomplicated Love: A Step-by-Step Guide for Building a Thriving Relationship, and sex coach Nicki Brivik about how to break the monotony.

Girl, you're in danger

'Monotony in a relationship is like a familiar tune playing on a loop: it's that sense of sameness and predictability that emerges over time, Shelley says. At first, it's your favourite song you just can't stop playing it. But after a while that earworm starts to drive you a little insane. 'In long-term monogamous partnerships, monotony often creeps in because routines become, well, routine.' 'I always say: love is like a comfortable tracksuit, but desire is a pair of high heels and lingerie,' Nicki says.

After a while, you naturally crave comfort and you stop making an effort. When starting a new relationship, there's an initial excitement in discovering everything about your partner.' But we often get stuck in a routine where we feel the need to reveal everything, share everything and be everything for the other person. The irony is that knowing everything can become boring - and it's definitely not good for your sex life. Spontaneity tends to take a back seat as we become overly familiar with each other.' Routine, in its essence, is not the villain in this story. In fact, a healthy routine can provide stability and comfort in a relationship.