MAN OVERBOARD

Toby Skinner joins an innovative retreat aimed at rewiring masculinity

- Toby Skinner

For most men, the sobbing started earlier: the point when it felt as though our bodies and minds melted into a whole new dimension. For me, it happened on the fourth day, after a session of intense, intentionally irregular breathing, followed by dynamic meditations that had culminated in a yoga room full of men swaying like seaweed-all self-consciousness evaporated along with the sweat. It was at that moment that Craig White, our flinty guru of masculinity, implored us to let our loved ones in, and something unfurled deep inside me. Suddenly, I felt as though I was enveloped in white light, and could feel everyone I'd ever cared about come thudding into my chest. When I lay on the floor, happy tears rolling down my face, I could see the serene, accepting eyes of my late stepfather in two scuffs on the ceiling. Whatever was still functioning in my brain was thinking: What is happening to me?