THE SHOES THAT SILENCED MY INNER CRITIC

AROUND THIS TIME last year, I arrived at the Runner’s World office and was greeted by a bright orange shoebox sitting on my desk. I had signed up the day before to become a shoe tester, and the box heralded my first assignment. Excited, I rushed to open it, finding a pair of Nike Zoom Fly 6s inside—in bright pink.

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve not been a fan of the spotlight. I default to listening rather than talking and wearing simple, neutral-colored clothes to avoid drawing attention to myself. Much of this stems from insecurities about my body.

It was when I started running in high school that, in the locker room, I realized the extent of my body self-consciousness. Runners are not exactly known for their mountains of muscle mass, but the cross-country team still had lean muscle on display. And then there were all the other bulked-up athletes who played football or wrestled. Me? I felt skinnier than a twig, embarrassed by my body and all of its flaws on display, more aware than ever of how much my physique paled in comparison.

Constantly comparing myself to others and tunneling in on my shortcomings was one of the downsides of going to an all-boys high school. While the administration did a good job at combating the mental and emotional dangers of toxic masculinity, the physical effects weren’t addressed. Meanwhile, an increasing amount of research has shown body image-related disorders cropping up, with a 2023 Canadian study published in the Body Image journal finding that 26 percent of young men were at clinical risk for muscle dysmorphia—a disorder characterized by a pathological dissatisfaction with their musculature.